Up and Down - Life's Rollercoaster

After two straight weeks of a headache I am now finally feeling better and so I have time to refocus my attention.

The Christmas season is quickly approaching. A few weeks ago the Priest joined us for RCIA and he made a comment about the second coming of Christ being a 'personal' and 'individual' second coming (basically) and that made my week... it made my month even.

I haven't been abandoned, you know? Sometimes I can't help but feel a little bit forgotten, a little bit shoved to the side... a little unimportant, but I haven't been abandoned.

I AM loved.

I love that feeling. Right now I'm still in the remorse part of this journey. Whenever I remind myself just how much our Father loves us I can't help but sob, because I am so unworthy and I have disappointed Him so greatly.

Yesterday my cousin learned the difference between mortal, grave and venial sin and she let out a triumphant, "HA! I haven't committed any mortal sins! That's great!" With a huge smile she flopped onto the bed and rejoiced. As I watched her I wanted to be happy for her but instead there was that old remorse again... and just a tiny bit of envy.

I really wish I hadn't committed any mortal sins. But I have. And they eat away at my heart. It really is like an illness. I feel like I have cancer, and until my team allows me to partake of confession (surgery to remove the tumor - essentially) I will have this piece inside of me that doesn't belong. A piece that's mutated into something not human.

But we don't stop loving people because they're sick, and God doesn't stop loving us because we failed.

:)

I am loved.

And not by my faulty human brothers and sisters (although I appreciate their love too - even if I don't always trust it), by the most powerful being in the Universe.

I am loved by the Creator of everything.

And you are too!

Isn't that amazing?